I haven’t seen Alex for some time. I think it must have been a couple of years since we last had a drink. A few days ago, we were driving to a common friend’s birthday party and on the way we were discussing his house that he had put up for sale for some time now. He was dismayed. It just didn’t seem to sell even though there were many prospects.

He told me, as a last resort, he had decided to paste a picture of a ‘bird’ on the house’s address plate as a means to sell it faster.

I had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting the car in front of me.

‘A bird!’ I exclaimed. ‘A bird?’

‘It’s a Feng Shui technique to sell houses’ he proudly proclaimed.

‘Which direction does this special bird fly?’ I prodded.

‘Err….hee hee..well, no special direction. I think THAT could be the problem. The bird might have been placed in the wrong direction.’

Yes, THAT is the problem I thought to myself. Not the overgrown weeds in the yard or the peeling paint of the house. Or the leaking roof. But my friend Alex was adamant that it was the direction of the bird he painted that is causing a hiccup to his intended sale. (If you had seen this house, you would agree with me that the house was a wreck and it had been left unattended for almost a year)

If I didn’t need both hands on the steering wheel, I might have reached over to knock some sense into this guy.

‘So, no takers for the house yet?’ I asked him. ‘No lah, all of them came, saw and left, saying that they would get back to me. But no news so far.

‘What do you think ah Joey? Do you think you can help me with some adjustment to the ‘bird’ direction?’ he finally asked me.

This is where my expertise in real estate sales kicked in – no I haven’t changed my vocation but read on. You will soon see why my mastery of the real estate game leaves many bird-painting friends awe struck.

’The real secret Feng Shui technique of selling houses’ – I said is to put up a FOR SALE sign to begin with. And here is the real magic, to sell it faster – put another sign below that saying ‘20% BELOW market price!’ Change that percentage as you see fit until the house is sold. And if that sign is HUGE, the better the ‘Feng Shui’ of your house as prospective buyers will line up to offer you money for this house with good ‘Feng Shui’.

If I was going to charge for common sense advice, I would have retired by now on these sorts of chats I have had over the years.

Let me say this again – there is no magic feng shui formula by which pasting or painting of a bird on the house address will sell your land or house faster. If your house has ‘real’ good Feng Shui, buyers will find it more appealing but good Feng Shui has nothing to do with a picture of a bird.

Where a house has good Feng Shui, the Qi in the property is pleasant – visitors immediately find themselves attracted to the house and in certain cases, may even feel very comfortable in the house as soon as they enter.

I cannot say for certain where this ‘bird picture’ idea originated from but try as I might, there is no reference to this in even Chinese culture. It may very well have started off as something valid before morphing into its present nonsensical form. Maybe there was an old saying that if a property has birds and other forms of life, it has good Qi – maybe it eventually got watered from that concept.

There are however, houses that can be particularly difficult to sell. Those with a main door directly facing a T- Junction or a lamp post, where the Qi is fierce or unconducive. Firstly, most house buyers these days are somewhat Feng Shui savvy – they are going to know that such a structure is not good. Even without any knowledge about feng shui, common sense will tell you that having cars rushing towards your door day and night is hardly a positive way to live.

Let’s be honest, if you walk into a house that looks dark, dingy and overly ‘Yin’, you’re obviously not going to find yourself too attracted to it. This goes for all those houses where the trees are so thick as to almost block out the sunlight. If you encounter such a situation, keep in mind that if the particular area is also within a palace that has the 2, 4, 7, 9 stars – this could lead to a Yin Formation as per Flying Star Feng Shui. The effects can include hallucinations or apparitions; traditionally also known as the neighbourhood’s fabled haunted houses.

Also, houses with an imbalanced land shape, triangular or skewed at an odd angle face trouble in retaining Qi. And again, this does not appeal to people.

I will leave you with one last common sense idea that you may want to try if you are selling your house. Cut the grass, pull out the weeds, give it a new coat of paint and do up the cracks and leaks. No one is going to buy a house that you yourself would not think of living in.